Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
