I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
