We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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