if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
