I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
