Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sponge bath it is.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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