i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
