It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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