And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
