She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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