This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
