Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
