mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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