I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
