Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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