Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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