So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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