Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
