I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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