Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
