Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
