WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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