I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
