dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
