I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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