I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
