And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize