trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
