i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
