So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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