with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
