DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
