Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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