you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
