Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
