saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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