So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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