i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
