We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
