I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
