I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
