Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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