I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
