Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
