If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
