already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
