I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
