And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
