I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
