no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
