Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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