Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
