I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
