Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
