on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
