I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
