im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
