i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
