It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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