Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize