my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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