dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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