one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
