just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
