i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
