Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
